Terrible revelations this past month. The knowledge has been there for a few years abut I finally dragged it all out of the dark corners where I’d hidden it, put the pieces together and confronted it head on.

It was not good.

We could say I started running in 1970. I’d played some Opti-League basketball. Some summer softball. And I’d been running since shorlty after I could walk of course. But Junior High football can be marked as my first efforts at actual physical training for athletic competition. That was 53 years ago. I discovered track and distance running in 1973. Fifty years ago. And that has shaped my life. I have called myself a runner ever since. I had coaches and trainers for most of the next decade and I placed my organism in their usually capable hands. And I learned. So when my collegiate career was over roughly 40 years ago I became “self coached.”

I realized I’d never scale the heights I had in college. Missed being an All-American 0.2 seconds in the 400m. But I could still be good. There were road races where I could still be competitive and the occasional all-comers meet. Those filled up my running in the 80’s. And then I turned 30. Most athletes hang up their shoes after high school. I didn’t. Of those who don’t the vast majority hang it up after college. The pros didn’t beckon, nor did the Olympics but I could still enjoy the mental health running provided.

When I hit my 40’s I discovered Masters Track. And age-grading. The interwebs connected those of us who still wanted to toe the line. I could compare my times against runners of all ages and genders. I could also see where I stood globally. Scoring in the 90’s meant world class. The 80’s were “national class” except in the US where leisure time and capitalism allowed more of us to pursue racing more seriously longer. Scoring in the 70’s meant “regionally competitive and the 60’s meant you could medal at the state level. Except for Ohio, New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Texas, Florida and California. All of those states (and their regions) were essentially a step higher. Which was fine. I was consistently in the top two in Ohio to a guy from Cincinnati. And there was a guy from NE Ohio I’d been running against since our respective college days. Meets were like reunions. Somebody might take a season or two off but when they came back we all picked up right where we had been. I did eventually win a state title and a midwestern one. Was quite a season. I also raced in Tennessee, Arizona and California. Broke the meet records at all three – and finished second at all three.

Then came my 50’s. And it all started to get harder. I used be be able to do my base-building over a month to six weeks and then jump into my speed work. But no more. Took 2-3 months to lay down the base. I couldn’t double my mileage every week or so anymore. Hell, I couldn’t even run more tham a mile on back-to-back days. But I adapted. I tailored my workout schedule to accommodate my changing physiology. I still managed to keep my scores in the high 70’s and low 80’s. But then I took a year more or less off. And getting it back has been awful.

I’m now in my 60’s. In my 20’s and 30’s I was building and improving on the edge. In my 40’s and 50’s it was about maintaining. STILL being competitive. Still toeing the line. But the 60’s are different. It’s not about maintaining. It’s about staving off the inevitable decline. The loss. The slowing. I has taken me almost three months to build my base from three miles a week to a mere six. And my splits are not getting much better. I’m able to go just a tad farther, but not any faster. It’s crushing. And I’m not dealing with it well.

As a self-coached runner I like to be crunchy and system driven. So a decade or so ago I turned to the Cooper test to measure my status and progress. I’ve set up a spreadsheet to do the calculations and I’ve kept records. Short version is that there’s a target number I need to hit, based on my age, before I’ll start doing speed work again. It’s based on my age, and my times in the mile, the 12 minute run, and the two-mile run. It’s a chartable data point. And I’ve been JUST below it for most of the last three months. And while I’ve improved my weekly distance I’ve not been able to improve my time. That tells me I’m not improving. I’m staving off the decline. And while that’s a noble task in and off itself, it is depressing. Better maybe to chuck it? To reclaim and repurpose that 3-5 hours per week? Or to take arms against a sea of trouble and, by opposing, end them?

I may be able to get some access to indoor facilities this winter. Ideally I need to be ready to start speed work no later than October if I want to start racing next season. In the past I’ve started earlier in the fall, progressed as far as weather would allow, done maintenance work through the winter, then polished in the spring. So perhaps I’ll continue as I have been. Slogging through the neighborhood. Trying to meet the Cooper Test numbers. Maybe even throwing in a set of time-trials in September to try to hit them.

In May of 2015 I ran a 14.6 100m, a sub 30 200m and a 1:24 quarter. Those times scored a 79, 79 and a 62. NEXT year those scores will require times of 15.3, 31.4 and 1:26.9. We’ll see if my hammies can hold up to that 100m, if I can EVER get a decent 400m again, and if my mechanics have stayed true to my 200m.

Or perhaps I’ll just hang up the spikes.